I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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