No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
