We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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