I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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