Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
