oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
