First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
