ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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