No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
