Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
