I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
