I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
