tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
