he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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