my being single is dangerous.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
