I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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