Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
