No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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