There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
