Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
