He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
