at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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