nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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