im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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