If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
