I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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