i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
