Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
