I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
