I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
