I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
