You just made me feel so damn special
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
