sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
