Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You dont lie about slip and slides
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
