Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
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