I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Its about making memories worth repressing
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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