i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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