Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
