they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
