I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
