I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
