I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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