So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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