The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
