why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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