they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You are a genius and a whore.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
