you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
