Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
