I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
