I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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