Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
