i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Randomize
